Monday, 19 May 2008


Welcome to the National Horror Service, here to provide you with all your horror needs, from gothic to slasher, from psychological terror to gore-fest, from Kafka to Dante, from Poe to Lovecraft, from Ring to King. Specialities include:
  • undead staff, zombified by lack of sleep, paperwork, jobsworthery and regulations
  • limbo wards, where you can effectively be buried alive on a trolley for hours, even days if you're lucky
  • rampant viruses and infections, better than anything on 28 Days Later or Masque of the Red Death
  • unnecessary Dr. Moreau-ish pain, caused (for example) by moving you from hospital to hospital the day after a big operation
  • mismanagement and bureaucracy to make Franz Kafka weep
  • Cormanesque comedy-horror, where surgeons talk about Chinese food whilst slicing you in two
  • starvation, when someone forgets to feed you for hours and hours and hours
  • drug-induced trips, when drugs are mixed up or forgotten or given unnecessarily to medicate problems which just need care, love, attention
  • ghosts, otherwise known as ignored, starved, patronised and abandoned old people
  • the feeling that no-one ever listens to you, can't even hear you screaming
  • haunted houses (aka hospitals) full of cobwebs, ghost-like patients, dirt, stupidity, idiocy, malaise, regulations, mismanagement, neglect ....

The National Horror Service: why rent a horror movie when you can live one?

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